Still Absorbant And Yellow And Porous Is He!
2 Stars for Kids
3 Martinis for Moms
He lives in a pineapple under the sea, absorbent and yellow and porous is he, the kids will have fun when he comes ashore, but for mommies and daddies, this film is a bore!
Be warned. Spongebob has been cackling for ever on your TV (since May 1, 1999 to be precise. And his laugh is still as hellish as ever. No? Hear it now as an extended warning: right here.
So you survived the laugh. Then you're made of sterner stuff. You'll love the references to The Avengers and understand why there's a crisis in Bikini Bottom when Krabby Patties are all gone!
Oh, was that a spoiler? Sorry, but I needed to tell you that the movies does get interesting for grown ups too. It comes too late, but if you haven't stabbed yourself with the armrest you wrested off the seat within the first fifteen minutes, then you deserve to know that the movie does get interesting.
Someone who understands grownups in the theater added these truly awesome lines you can use in real life:
'Were you in my brain?'
'Then why do you have cotton candy on your antenna?'
The kids, though, will be cackling away at all the nautical nonsense and flopping on the deck like fish, just as the theme song. So taking them to the movie will earn you many brownie points.
You will find yourself praying those brownie points would convert magically into Martinis. I know it was wishful thinking on your part, but I clapped really really hard when Spongebob sang, 'I'm the flower, you'll be the aroma!' and Squidward added:
'Right Now I wish I were in a coma!'