Friday, April 24, 2015

Review: Avengers Age Of Ultron. The Girlie Review

Wholesale Mein Hawtness!

Stars Hee Stars

Mini Review:

Be still my dhak dhak heart! Chris Hemsworth se le kar Chris Evans se le kar apna Bobby Downey Junior are all so hawt! Let the boys go, 'Ooh!' and 'Aaah!' over all the action scenes. I just had an Ogle Fest all on my own.

Main Review:

The theater was full of boys in shorts and Captain America, Hulk and Iron Man tees. As if wearing those tee shirts made them look hawt. None of those guys have half a bicep, let alone the looks. And their knobby knees, I don't even want to roll my eyes any more. So pathetic! And they talk in jargon which makes sense only to their comic book groups.

I admit, we girls have Iron Man on our phone-covers. But there's logic naa: should the phone slip from our hands and fall down, Iron Man will save it from cracking!

Anyway, this IMAX 3D is a pain. My eyelashes are so long the 3D glasses jammed against them make it tough to blink. But in this movie, blinking is not an option! Kya action hai! They are constantly jumping up into the air and coming down hard on the baddies, raising their arms making the ribs and the abs look fabulous each time...

Yes, there's that girl who's forever doing those boy things, desperate to get attention from the boys in the audience... What's her name? Black Widow. She's all right, I suppose, she wears leather pantsuit and all (works nicely because she is a redhead), but each time I imagine peeling that pantsuit off, I feel for my skin in this Bombay heat. Give me Megan Fox from that other action movie any day. Haan, her lipstick was awesome. But I cannot imagine having perfect nails after she fights like that. Uff!  

Speaking of awesome, in every movie Iron Man's suit gets better and even more awesome. He has some funny punny lines too. And I laughed, not because I wanted to prove that girls have a sense of humor, but because the nerdy boy with unkempt hair sitting in row in front of me snorted his fizzy drink all over himself. Itna bhi funny nahi tha, I thought. The other movies were more fun! Here Iron Man was being secretive and creating... Oho! Thor's body keeps getting more interest investment worthy. Chris! Chris! Chris! My brain was penning odes to his sculpted body. My best friend and I differ on whether he should wear those hair extensions, but either way, he's sachchi God like. Not in the spiritual sense, but all out orgasmic, 'gawd...Oh, gawd!' sense. I am telling you to watch him get into that pond... hmm... I seriously need to see that meant-for-girls moment again.

Oh, and that blonde fast chap, is sort of like the universal smiles-at-you-flirtatiously-at-the-gym guy. He has some great lines to share with Hawkeye. This time Hawkeye was disappointing re. His other life revealed was so, so-oh annoying. It's like realising that the hottest guy in high school married the class nobody. Anyway, I'm going to ignore him from now on. I like Chris Evans ka reaction. You will too. 

And you know I've not mentioned Hulk at all. That's because they make Mark Ruffalo speak funny. As though someone has forced him to chew marbles. Speaking of marbles, the nerds in the audience were going 'Ahaa!' as though sab kuch secret tha, and they discovered the Chitauri Infinity Stones. They don't know we girls love Loki so much we know that is the yellow Mind stone.

'Whaaaat is that?' You ask? Uff! Kab se I'm saying go see the movie. You'll love the action if your knees are knobby and hairy, and if you can arch your eyes and roll your eyes like Joss Whedan ki saari tricks maloom hai (yes, the poster wala slo mo action shot) then also watch the movie. And do throw leftover drinks on people who step out of the theater before seeing the heart stopping sneak peek...


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