Friday, January 17, 2014


half star

Hercules Is Ridiculous

Mini Review:

A mish mash of everything mythological. Made funny only because the audience has a sense of humor.

Main Review:

It’s a potluck of all Hollywood movies where men wear sneers, skirts and sandals and women wear transparent sheets tied together with ropes.

It’s a mythical world where Greeks, Romans, Egyptians speak American. So much so, you expect Hercules and his band of merry men to be eating cheeseburgers at McDonalds.

Hercules is an all American hero in the spirit of Luke Skywalker. It is so awesomely American you imagine the scene where Darth Vader… I mean… Zeus tells Hercules, ‘I’m your father!’

Zeus does not speak alas in the voice of James Earl Jones, but you do hear the funniest American accents on actors wearing skirts: ‘They’re waitin’ at the gates!’, ‘Are y’all with me?’, ‘How could you do this to me?’, ‘I’m never gonna to forgive you!’. You laugh as the rabble chants, ‘Fight! Fight!’

The romance is so silly and affected you laugh when you watch the hero woo his heroine. And there is so much pollen in the scene you wonder how they’re not sneezing their heads off…

They’ve even got the mythology mixed up. Since when did Hera, the supposed jealous wife of Zeus, give blessings to Hercules’s human mom?

The half star goes to the hard-working CGI artistes who make the war scenes look more real than the ones you saw in Jodha Akbar, the lightning bolt fight scene, the fight between Hercules and the King, and even the cities are rather nicely created.

There’s not a dull moment… of unintentional laughter though. There is more chemistry between Hercules and Sotiris than Hercules and princess Hebe, and dialog like, ‘I will give you hope.’ when the two men’s faces are but a breath away… After the supposed arty (unfortunately hilarious) orgasm scene with sheets billowing above the writhing queen, dialog like, ‘Zeus has planted his seed inside my welcoming womb.’ only makes you fall out of your seat.

Apparently in the Hindi version of the movie, Sonu Sood has dubbed for Hercules. It may offer additional laughs or not. But I am sure y’all have better things to do with your time.

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