Monday, March 21, 2016

review: BUS 657

A Crap Film By Any Other Name...

1/2 star

Mini Review:

Released as Heist in the US, we are presented the film as Bus 657. No one knows the logic behind name change. But borrowing from Shakespeare, alas it doesn't smell better. 

Main Review:

'Hello! You look pissed off!'
'Yes, just got fired from casino floor. Boss won't loan me money for my child who is in hospital.'
'I don't know you, but I could use you to steal from the casino.'
'I don't know you either. But yeah. Let's.'

Of course they recruit two more idiots one of whom panics and runs away with the getaway car. So the three thieves, one new recruit shot and now bleeding, catch a bus.

They hijack bus and we see deja vu of Speed, except the bad guys are on the bus and the cops chasing bus down highway in formation. There are hostages on the bus who are so stereotypical you groan when you see pregnant woman, runaway child, wannabe army type, one silly chap, one colored person, one Asian person...

So the good hijacker (one with kid in hospital) and bad hijacker argue while the third bleeds away... 

Cops refuel the bus, as goodwill gesture, the hijackers let pregnant woman and child leave. Casino owner sends crooked cop... Of course the good hijacker manages to send stolen cash to hospital, good cop smiles and does nothing, bad hijacker and bad cop die, and to top them all, the casino owner (played by Robert de Niro as though he were sleepwalking and hated the clothes he was made to wear) knowing that the man had stolen money lets him go because he has cancer and his daughter doesn't care...

If there ever was a pukeworthy story, this would be it. The tensions are fake, the conflict laughable, the protagonist moves by ridiculous lines from a dying kid ('Papa, I want you to be my hero!')

And when the reveal is made, you facepalm so hard, you make your escape before the credits finish rolling and the lights come on. Who knew ones fingerprints would appear on ones forehead so easily?!


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