Friday, June 05, 2015

Review: The Age Of Adaline

Diabetes Alert! Much Mush Ahead! Gag-Inducing Romance!

2 stars

Mini Review:

If you're dating, then this is the movie you book tickets to. If you're part of a gaggle of girlfriends who want to gush over something, this would be it. If your heart is broken and need to believe in love again, this movie is what will have you sighing again. Yes, this is a diabetes inducing saccharine cinema. Cloyingly mushy. Be warned.

Main Review:

If it's so amazing why only 2 stars? That's because we knocked off a whole star because no one, and no one will really believe that someone is traumatised because they look young. The cosmetic surgery industry worldwide would want to know. Cosmetic companies touting skin creams would want to know. And the filmmakers want us to watch with a straight face, the story of Adaline who is unhappy because she cannot age?

She's beautiful, and though she's 108, she looks only 26. Should have been a horror movie where she kills her lovers when they discover she does not age. Now that would have been a fun watch. In this movie, she's kind and nice and intelligent. Makes us knock one more star off... The believability is zero.

This drop dead gorgeous man falls in love with her and while some of us are still getting over her aunty-type clothes, she runs away from him. Why would a 26 year old wear pencil skirts and blouses and carry a handbag? Whatever happened to jeans and backpacks most 26 year olds are wearing these days? Let's say she is an expert in running away when her secret is going to be exposed. Why would she weigh herself down by old-fashioned Gatsbyesque suitcases? Why would you carry piles and piles of photographs in albums which could make people wonder why a 26 year old was hoarding them... 

But the oxygen supply to your brain has been cut off by the love story unfolding in front of you. The old-fashioned-ness of the movie is so artistically shown, you want to reach out and touch the texture of the men's suits and pick a pastry off a tray. The hero has the most soulful eyes you have seen, and you know he's sunk the moment he gets into the elevator with her.

You are now sinking fast into the molasses of her past loves each time something reminds her... The gaggle of girlfriends is going, 'awwww!', and you're hearing kissing sounds from the dating couples, and sniffles from the heartbreak row... You are glad you have not asked the boyfriend to tag along (and if he has come with you, he would be fast asleep) because the hero has the most amazing latissimus dorsi and oblique external muscles you have seen on any man...

But it gets mushier and when Harrison Ford appears in the most awful glasses seen on any man, you want to beat someone up. But you are truly sunk because Indy is running towards her. You don't care. You are imagining him running towards you.

Who cares about the hokey science at this point?   

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