SCREENWRITING 101 GONE WRONG
When the man who wrote the book on screenwriting writes such a trite, predictable story, you want to smash up everything like Jason Statham does. And even that, alas, is something you have seen before.
'How was the movie?'
'It's a Jason Statham movie.'
'Aah, so he's responsible for something fragile, fights bad guys, and drives a fast car.'
'That's like all his movies.'
'But you enjoyed Transporter.'
'But not this one?'
'Why? You see all kinds of bad Hindi movies. Why is this one getting you so miserable?'
'William Goldman wrote the screenplay.'
'So? Does the junta really care?'
'I do! Adventures in the Screen Trade was my screenwriting textbook.'
'Ohhh! Like thaaat.'
'He wrote Butch Cassidy And the Sundance Kid. He wrote All The Presidents Men. Marathon Man, A Bridge Too Far, even funny movies like Twins and scary ones like Misery.'
'Maybe he was having a bad day.'
If only the silence in the car could quell the sense of deep betrayal that one felt...
'So what happens in the movie?'
'It's set in Las Vegas, so there's blackjack. Of course the hero wants to get away from the sin city, so he runs a security business (and keeps saying no to moneyed baddies... yes, he has a conscience!) and two people: one young lad (of course he's a millionaire) and one lady of the night. The lad is afraid of getting physically assaulted, and the woman has been assaulted.'
'So he beats up baddies who are after these two?'
'With a knife and a spoon.'
'Yes. The action is good.Three super fights.'
'All characters in the movie are so, so-oh predictable, you just wish there was some direct to video system which would swallow this movie whole.'
'It's releasing today, though?'
'Okay, let's get you some Tiramisu.'
'You're the bestest.'