Friday, February 13, 2015

Review: ROY

Roy is a slow, pseud dude!

1/2 star

Mini Review:

This is a pretentious movie that drags its feet from location to exotic location to spout immeasurably trite dialog feigning philosophy. Basically, a yawn with an accent.

Main Review:

Girl with impeccable red lipstick accent does yoga on the beach. Man with fedora follows her. Sits down next to her.

'Yogaa, haan?'

He looks at the sea for two minutes. 

Then looks at her. She's still doing yoga.

She says, 'I'm going in three days.'

He stares at her for two minutes. Then stares at the sea for two minutes.

'Three days, haan?'

She stares at the sea for two minutes.

'Yes,' She says.

He stares at the sea again. 

Then he looks at her, 'Can you make that four days?'

She looks at the sea, and imagines herself with Roy. He's telling her about khaamoshiyaan between the two of them.

He's staring at the sea too. And imagining himself with Roy as well...

Alas, the last sentence is what the audience is hoping would be true. It would have made the movie so much more interesting.

And the incessant soundtrack which sings, 'Tu Hai Ke Nahi!' reminds us again and again that Ranbir Kapoor is just Arjun Rampal's alter ego, a figment of his imagination, whatever. 

You have stopped caring and are counting snores and heckling in the crowd.

And yes. It's not just pretentious philosophywise. They even have Arjun Rampal a film director who churns out blockbusters about bank robbers sitting down on a typewriter a la Kerouac, cigarette dangling from his mouth. Do not miss the bathrobe and he's still wearing the hat, and he's poured himself some single malt. But this happens right in the beginning of the movie, and that's why I was awake enough to read what desi Kerouac was typing 'cigarette dangling ON his mouth' as he types out his screenplay.

Of course there's a thought provoking dialog where Arjun Rampal says, 'Yeh film kaise ban gayi?'

It's been over 2 hours. The audience is wondering too.

P.S: The 1/2 star awarded to this movie is for Jacqueline Fernandez who pronounces 'Kabir' (Arjun Rampal's name in the movie), 'Kuh-beeh!' without smudging her lipstick.

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