Friday, June 03, 2016



1/2 star

Mini Review: 

Went in expecting lame jokes from WhatsApp. Realised even those are funnier. The half star is shared between Jackie Shroff's voice and one scene where the maids and Boman Irani stick their heads in a shelf of mannequin heads when hiding and when Abhishek Bachchan saves the wax statue of Aishwarya Rai.

Main Review:

'Why do we love these losers?' one of the three heroines in the movie asks. Fellow critic sitting next to me says, 'Because our IQ's are low!' 

But the other two heroines answer, 'Because we love them! Awwww!'

Some movies are so bad, you want to vent your ire at their stupidity. The trouble with this movie is that it is so brutally banal, so vacuous it is pointless to even wake up a smidgen of anger supine somewhere in the insides of your brain.

These are examples of things the filmmakers and actors found funny:

'Tum nimbu ki roshni se door hee raho!' when they mean: stay away from the limelight.

 'Kaamwali gayi to kaamwali gayi' when they mean: let bygones be bygones.

'Lambi Ghadi ke peeche' when they mean: Long time back.

'Paal pos ke oopar ja' when they mean to say, 'Grow up!'

and just when you think why they speak that way, one of the dizzy heroines says, 'Naukri neeche'.

They mean to say, 'Calm down.'

One part of me was recovering from the assault of such stupidity when I realised that they had forgotten who they made the film for. These are English phrases, which are beyond the comprehension of most of India, the aam aadmi the filmmakers claim 'love these movies'

How do you expect the common man to understand, 'saare kunye jo aakhir mein acche kunye hain'. It's the last slingshot for the audience who walk out like zombies from the theater: All's well that ends well.

The fact that the three heroes are made to pretend they are blind, mute and unable to walk ought to have brought out much outrage, but they fail even here. There are many more politically incorrect jokes on people with disabilities on the internet today. And Tom and Jerry are funnier when they break chairs over each other's heads, or pushing each other to sit on a thorny cactus. 

And the last time one laughed out loud when a cactus plant was involved was in Golmal 3 in the scene where the freshly married parents of warring grown up kids watch TV and the grown up kids mime the damage they will inflict on each other. the scene is here 

There is an almost funny scene when the three African British maids and Boman Irani are hiding from Jackie Shroff's anger (and shotgun) behind a shelf full of human heads (they are in a waxworks factory) by sticking their own heads there. And when Jackie Shroff throws a row of heads in anger, they replace the empty shelf with their own. Now that was unexpectedly funny. And in the same waxworks scene, Aishwarya Rai's statue is being toppled over and Abhishek Bachchan dives to save it from a fall, steadies it and announces, 'This is personal!' That was funny too.

Not enough funny for a two and a half hour worth of boredom-inducing pathetic attempts at humor that is so unconvincing you wonder if they even laughed at their own jokes. Thankfully Jackie Shroff still has his voice. Him clarifying, 'WTF' simply means 'Wednesday, Thursday Friday' may not be funny but it sounds sexy as hell!

This movie is a sad waste of time. You shake your head not as if you are watching a cockroach's last struggle after it has been sprayed with 'Hit' but just because you pity them all.


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