Friday, September 18, 2015

Review: KATTI BATTI

Gareebon Ka 500 Days Of Summer + Kal Ho Na Ho, with shades of every pukeworthy romantic notion thrown in. 

1 star


Mini Review:

They took 500 Days Of Summer and mixed it up with Kal Ho Na Ho because they didn't know how to end it. Added all possible cliches of romantic love portrayed in films and shoved them into one bowl in the hope that you will swallow this 'marte dum tak tumhare saath rahoonga' tediousness like some teenager who is in love with the idea of love. 

Main Review:

Lovesick-at-first-sight Maddy falls for tattooed, carefree (read 'weird clothes'), wild child Tanu Extended and gets dumped. The rest of the movie is about how he tries to figure out why... Thankfully this movie is not 500 days long even though in its awfulness it feels like 500 Days Of Tannu.

Then you realise that everybody, yes, everybody including the busty bimbo and the brainless boss knows why Tannu dumped Maddy except him. Wow! Poor sod! Everybody in his life conspires to NOT tell him that the girl is dying of lymphosarcoma of the brain, because they think he's nuts? 

But when his 500 Days wali sister tells him, the movie freefalls into the most annoying 'I'ma gonna pee in the expensive potty unless you tell me where she is' (inspired by scene from Couples Retreat where Vince Vaughn's kid poops in the potty in a store) to 'How not to die' scenes. One of them borrowed straight out of Seinfeld when Kramer lives right across from the red neon of a chicken house. The hospital room is bathed in red...

I've never wished death upon any character as much as I did in this film. But all is not lost. I learnt many useful things.

1. Live-in 'kuppals' (rhymes with chappal, but is meant to be spelt as couple) only cuddle.
2. If you know how to make paper cranes, you can be in art class in an architecture college
3. If you have a cool girlfriend, she will paint your toenails red. 
4. No matter what year it is in the movie, there is always a Sachin match on TV
5. If your girlfriend dumps you, she's really into you, so go stalk her, chase her.
6. Your girlfriend has to die in order to get rid of your smarmy love for her.
7. Your friends will put up a Devdas and Paro show when your parents come to visit.
8. If your fiesty, wild child girlfriend is dying of cancer, and in the hospital, then you are allowed to bring her Smirnoff.
9. There's the handy Oxygen tent in backpack thang you can borrow from The Fault In The Stars to make Cancer look real.
10. You can make the girlfriend who only wanted to live-in with you marry you when she's weak and in a wheelchair and pumped full of meds.

The Devdas parody, that is perhaps the funniest thing in this movie. That earns half of the one star this movie deserves.

The other half is for the resounding slap Payal gives Maddy in the movie. 

It was long required. There is absolutely no chemistry between Maddy and Payal and the audience was more than fed up of the 'I love you forever', and 'I love you so don't ever leave me' and 'My love is true love', 'I love you so much', and 'I love you, my love' and 'I love you truly', and 'I love you madly', and 'I love you and if you leave me I will die', and 'I love you so, so much', and 'I love you' and 'I love you forever', and 'I love you so don't ever leave me' and 'My love is true love', 'I love you so much', and 'I love you, my love' and 'I love you truly', and 'I love you madly', and 'I love you and if you leave me I will die', and 'I love you so, so much', and 'I love you' ...






2 comments:

bhagyashree samant said...

hahahhahaha...last para is hilarious :)

Jane said...

I hope the music was ok?
The plot does sound like common or garden potboiler.
And I have seen many many Hindi movies where I went home wondering where else I had seen various scenes....