Oh Brudders, Why Art Thou?
If there's anything one comes back home with, after watching them Jejus beliuving Brudders, is that Akshay Kumar is Hawt. Doosra bhai sirf Hot Headed. Baki picture ... Predictable hai men, jaisa ki Colaba ka shopping.
Akshay Kumar is hawt. A family man, a school-teacher, but so hawt. He has tattooes as well. But his hawtness is hidden by his gareebi and tragedy.
Siddarth is all hot headed, and leg shaking and ear-ring but no tattooes. Shouldn't the badass lad sport tattooes? Never mind. He has drunken daddy.
Trouble is, the movie does not make us care about either the badass son or the drunk daddy, and you begin to notice how daddy's fingers shake like Elvis sometimes and they're sober other times. We start noticing ki Jejus! Kitna Crucifix hai is ghar ka andar?
Every room, every wall has either a crucifix or a picture of Jejus and not ones that sort of bless people, but depressingly sad ones... Even the memories are candle-lighting at crucifixes with mom. There are crucifixes and altars in neighborhood corners. Everyone wears a rosary to prove they are Christian. Heck, if you look closely, there's a crucifix jammed into a pipe by a door. Isn't it enough their names are David and Monty?
Everything talks about how they live hand-to-mouth because daddy is drunk, but they have Corelle dinner set in the cupboard that drunk daddy tries to move back to the original place...
This kind of stereotyping is as bad as having a green wall in a Muslim household or a tulsi plant in a Hindu one... But Akshay is hawt. Bas.
I saw more emotion in ABCD! And better fights in Van Damme's Bloodsport (has a 'kumite' full contact martial art contest). Never miss it when it plays on TV. Here is contest is predictable.
BUT SO MUCH FUN! Raj Zutshi and his co-anchor called Sachin offer us the funniest accents in commentary ever! You start parroting them in less than 30 seconds!
And I want to feel hatred. Without that how can we watch people being beaten to pulp? I would've felt more hatred had drunk daddy come home to beat mommy every day. I would have taken sides. And it is important we take sides or understand what drives the heroes to beat other people to pulp. But forget that.
Because Akshay Kumar is so hawt. And when the two brothers fight, it gets so smarmy you close your eyes because they might begin kissing wearing mouth guards.
Hmm... Now that would have been a gamechanger, bloodied and bruised lads in Venum brand chaddis kissing each other...
Meanwhile Kiran Kumar has been doing the Armaan Kohli with yellow eyes and his Jaani Dushman act. You wish he'd show up to liven the proceedings.
But we come home wondering who was babysitting that annoying child recovering from dialysis when daddy was practically kissing bhai in the ring, when drunk daddy was wandering about in Twilight Zone and Mommy was being cross between Talia Shire in Rocky and Agatha from Grand Budapest Hotel...
Between the Brudders, there's Nine Crores plus won so who cares about the story... You know the makers are praying for earning more...
P.S: Kareena Kapoor's name is Mary, and she does not wear a crucifix.