Friday, July 03, 2015

Review: Terminator Genisys

This Time Travel Tale Trips Over It's Own Feet!

1 star

Mini Review:

Take earplugs along. This Terminator is noisy, in the horrid 3D, has a story that trips over itself and poor Arnie is left to save the day with his lines which are flogged to death.

Main Review:

Imagine watching a Terminator movie and not wanting to hear 'I'll be back!'

Imagine getting so irritated with the heroine that you come back home and write a letter to George R R Martin telling him to kill her character in the Game Of Thrones TV show.

Imagine watching a Time Travel story that is so confused, even the characters ask, 'Is he the good Terminator or the bad one?'

Terminator Genisys does everything to destroy any nostalgia you feel when you excitedly enter the theater. You want to be terrified of the Terminators sent by Cyberdyne to destroy Sarah Connor, John Connor, Reese, or any of the 'good' guys. Here, the reveal is so daft, there is no fear, you hear many palms being slapped against foreheads and groans in the theater. You pick up your phone and announce on social media: Seriously? They didn't find anything else?

So the good guys and bad guys travel through time to fight Cyberdyne and each other and while you are pining away for the awesomeness of the Terminator walking nonchalantly with a box of long stemmed roses, you groan at the sight of the Terminator walking in with a giant teddy bear as if it were being held hostage. Who is going to miss the gun you ask, but there are so many groan-worthy scenes in the movie, you just want it to be over now.

The special effects are nothing to rave about. Harry  Potter Prisoner Of Azkaban had more believable past and future characters existing simultaneously. Jurassic Park had a similar scene where the characters hang by a rope and the bus falls into the abyss... And the 3D has just been put in for you to pay extra at the multiplex. 

My sympathies go out to Arnie. He has put in maximum effort in trying to instill the pathetic story with humor. If people in audience felt bad for him being branded as the oldest Terminator again and again ('He's only T1') imagine how much it cost him to say the line he's made to repeat again and again that he's still in working order. The only reason why you should watch this daft movie is for him.

And the story? Here's a priceless piece of stupidity: Like in other Terminator movies, someone has to travel in time to save something. This time, Sarah and Reese get into the time machine and go back to save the world by destroying Cyberdyne. But friendly Arnie cannot step into the time travel thing because everything buy skin and bones gets destroyed. Arnie says, 'I'll be there in the past, don't worry.' Erm... Then why couldn't they all travel the Arnie way? Was that just an excuse to get the hero and the heroine naked? And didn't Arnie of the original Terminator travel in time (presumably in the same time machine)? He is naked too, remember? And how come he is older when he travels back in time while the hero and the heroines don't age?

And if Cyberdyne is destroyed by these heroes, and now Sarah and Reese can be happy for ever after, what is the need of the stupid senti scene planting a memory in the head of the little boy? If this is done to safeguard the future, then shouldn't Reese and Sarah never produce John Connor either?  

The story seems to be so devoid of logic when you ask questions like these. But you enjoy the Arnie moments, so you book the tickets and watch nostalgia being systematically destroyed. I wished they had really traveled in time and destroyed the idea for this movie.


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