Review: Commando 3

Very Good Action Set Pieces, The Rest Is Kuch Bhi Dikha Do.


Throw This Film Back Into Time. Even Then It Won't Earn More Than 1 star


Mini Review:

There's a cool knife fight, fights with local white thugs, car chases, bike chases, helicopter rescue but the filmmakers forgot to chase this thing called logic and no one told them it is 2019 not the 70s. 

With all actors doing whatever they feel like, little wonder the camera person left his camera on close ups. Watch if you want to get really familiar with everyone's skin, or if you have friends who laugh at every dialog by saying, 'TWHS' and 'TWSS'!

Main Review:

'Ooooh... Gulshan Deviah!' I said, 'Oooooh! So talented he is... Wasn't he fab in Mard Ko Dard?' I gushed right before the film, 'He might bring some sense to the senseless display of muscle expected in this movie...'

How I wish I had not opened my gob.

He plays the Mad Muslim NRI Terrorist as if he had taken acting lessons from GIF selector. He displays ALL of the emotions in ALL of their glory ALL the time. 

No one told him ki bhaiyya terrorists do not have to be grim reaper walking the ramp all the time. 

But no one told all the other terrorists how to NOT overact either. If you are a bad guy in the film, you had better have a sneer ready. 

Learn villainy from Gulshan Deviah: '(Snarl!) Maine Biryani banayi hai... (Sneer)...Taste karoge? (Mad Eyes!)...No? (Narrow Eyes)... Eat! 

He has all the accents too: 

Urdu bhi, Hindi bhi, 'Gonna-wanna' type American English bhi, and whenever he remembers it, thoda Brit accent bhi...

But there are others in the movie too. The Hero Vidyut Jamwal has the propensity of choosing the worst scripts ever. A script where everyone talks. And talks. And talks. And you begin to laugh even at the seemingly simple dialog like: Koi Commando hai?

You automatically answer, 'Nahi bhai, chaddi pehen rakkhi hai!

And it doesn't help when he beats up langot clad pehelwaans on 'hero wali entry'.

To his credit though, he is a great action star. And I don't say this lightly. His jump across the balcony towards the guy re-loading his machine gun is full on paisa vasool, as are the knife fights. But the rest...

So there's an angry Brit Indian Muslim man who wants to create terror in India via messages on VHS tapes. YAS! The Internet is only mentioned. Perhaps they knew how bad cell phone service is...

They assume all Muslims in India wander about in skull caps and can be converted to the ways of the jihad by butchering calves... I mean seriously?! Have they never seen Tik Tok videos where young people thrive on doing contrary things?

So Commando and his partner with an appearing and disappearing South Indian accent (she says 'Roy garu', but also wears the very North Indian Chooda to show she's undercover in London) reach London (suspiciously empty during vehicular chase scenes)

The British Intelligence (they also know it's an oxymoron the way this film treats everyone) has to have one cliche officer (oooh! yeh bhi Muslim hai, but 'uski ungliyaan sirf computer par chalti hain')...

Okay I fell asleep trying to explain...

But it's fun to see Indian Intelligence chief and his British counterpart yell at each other over skype. Super fun how the Indian Intelligence HQ looks like NASA / ISRO operations room and you expect Akshay Kumar to show up any moment and save Chandrayaan.   

Almost forgot! The terrorist loves his one expression kid and hates his ex-wife (if my ex-wife spoke Hindi like that, I would hate her too). She runs a flower stall, and the British court granted custody of her minor child to the dad... Happens only in movies...

Never mind all that... The final encounter is so laughable I have to tell. 

So something big is going down on Diwali day. But they've got Ravans everywhere in India. Whaaat? Baaaad looking Muslim men indoctrinated by VHS tape messages are hiding AK47s, so you know they're going to shoot people... But it give Vidyut Jamwal a chance to get real close (remember camera is set on CU) to Gulshan Deviah and ask him 'When? Where?' How? and so on as the very rich baddie with a ten rupee digital watch does face yoga as answers...

While bad foreign guy uses VHS, the good Indian guy does Sat phone video call that shows up on everyone's cell phone in India (except the bad guys). Clearly better technology wins and bad guys are caught by the common people...

Do you want to wait for the Raamji beating Ravanji for Seetaji dialog?! 

Am only glad they don't go Modiji ki jai...

I know there are plot holes in the film the size of Nazca lines, the scriptwriter is a wannabe Kader Khan, but you should watch this movie to be gobsmacked by the changing size of Vidyut Jamwal's man bun. 


P.S: 

Q. Why does Vidyut Jamwal take off his shirt while fighting baddies?
A. He can't take off his jeans because he's Commando.