review: BATMAN V SUPERMAN

Hollywood's Karan Arjun

1 star


Mini Review:

Manmohan Desai, Yash Chopra, Rajiv Rai and their ilk would be very chuffed to watch Batman and Superman do a Vijay and Ravi over Maa! The audience grinned and groaned at every melodramatic turn. And when Wonder Woman showed up to join Batman and Superman, all that the we wanted to hear 'Tridev! Tridev! Tridev!'

Main Review:

This movie is perfect for Mystery Science Theatre The Bollywood Version!

'Tumhari maa mere kabze mein hain!' 

You've heard villains make this threat and watch the reluctant hero do what he's been asked to do...

But you don't want to see that ancient threat made to Superman! 

'Paap se dharti fati, adharm se aasmaan, atyachaar se kaampi insaniyat, raj kar rahe hain haiwaan' 

You miss this dialog when you watch Batman and Superman are battling the big bad mutant evil...

And when Wonder Woman shows up, you stand up in the theatre and say instinctively, 'Tridev! Tridev! Tridev!'

But this is not the only instance where you think you are watching movies you've grown up to love.

It would made a better movie had Diane Lane showed some spunk and screamed at Lex Luthor, 'Mere Karan Arjun aayenge! Zaroor aayenge!'

There's a standard Soviet bad guy just like we have Prakash Raj in the movies. Lex Luthor has the rejected by classmate on Facebook look. Although he wears cool clothes, I wish he had taken lessons from Nana Patekar or even Shah Rukh Khan from Baazigar...

Amy Adams, I'm sorry to say, might earn the wrath of all hardworking journalists everywhere. Can you imagine Christian Amanpour in the middle of the African desert, surrounded by scores of men with guns, protecting an obvious big bad mercenary, 'Are you a terrorist?'

And she walks everywhere in impossible high heels: in the desert, at the office, when she's playing deep throat, even when she's throwing away Batman's spear, when the three real superheroes are battling the mutant... The only time we don't see her wear those same stilletoes is when she's in the bath.

What's worse, she's forever snogging Superman. Even in the middle of battle, and he's just been smashed to bits because he's inhaled Krypton gas thing, all she wants to do is kiss him.

I liked the Batmobile chase, but in this movie the big bat is now the big bad bat. I hated his hatred. Never thought he'd be Lalita Pawar in his 'Khunnas' against the Supe. Never thought he'd hate sharing limelight. Although Jeremy Irons as Alfred is really, really cool, I almost yearn for Amitabh Bachchan's voice calling him, 'Daddu!'  

And no matter how many comics one has read, the moment Superman and Batman look at Wonder Woman who lands between them, the little demon with a Dalip Tahil voice inside me says, 'Kam kapde pehen-na tujhe pasand hai, aur teri is ada pe marna hame pasand hai!'