Review: THE FIFTH WAVE

YOUNG ADULT SCI-FI MOVIE MAKING BY NUMBERS

1 star


Mini Review:

This film offers you a coloring by numbers of young adult science story telling. Predictable and laughable. 

Main Review:

One: A Blonde Heroine who writes journals. Isn't tough, but learns to kill zombies/aliens rather quickly. Must have motive to become 'heroine', something like: being separated from family/ little brother kidnapped and needs his teddy bear...

Two: Blonde Heroine's 'Unattainable' crush. Brunette. Football captain. Starts out as someone who hasn't ever noticed heroine or hates her in school but ends up rescuing heroine/ becoming friends to say lame, supposed romantic lines like, 'You're named after a star, Cassiopeia?' (Of course the heroine corrects him and says 'cluster of stars')

Three: Supposed Villainous Lad with Great Bod to whom Blonde Heroine is attracted. Since this is a sci fi, everyone would be in army fatigues or raggedy clothes, we must have (naturally!) the predictable shirtless/naked scene where he's bathing in a babbling brook.

Four: The Blonde Heroine and Villainous lad must have a do something clever with a GUN scene. He's either teaching her how to shoot (so naturally they come closer), or do tricks with a gun, or snatch gun from hand... Naturally there will be moment where his breath blows gently on her hair and she closes her eyes in some bizarre erotic episode.

Five: Villagers will be killed randomly by acts of alien creatures, but Blonde Heroine would be immune. She will escape earthquakes, floods, avian flu...

Six: Villainous Lad will fight the beast within when in love with Blonde Heroine. He will pay for love with his life. Blonde Heroine won't feel a smidgen of emotion because unattainable crush would be looking at her with sheep's eyes.

Seven: Blonde Heroine would kill/maim Main Villains/Vamps without too much practice. Thereby proving again that aliens/zombies are really stupid, despite their sci-fi looking paraphernalia.

Eight: There will be a punk/ street smart sidekick who you'd want to slap. They exist to annoy the audience or wake them up since the screenplay is so predictable!

Nine: Everyone but the principal characters would have noticed that the aliens have electricity and power. But the Blonde Heroine and everyone else suspect nothing because they are the US Army.

Ten: Camping equipment for cooking is always available for the Blonde Heroine and her band of rescued good guys. The namesake colored person would be the cook, cooking up some weird broth and eggs. (I always wonder how they kept the eggs from breaking in all that action?)

Such a waste of time and money to make a wannabe Hunger Games/Maze Runner/Scorch Trials...