Saturday, July 26, 2014

Review: KICK

There is only one star: Bhai.
And he's fading. Alas.

Mini Review: 

Whyyyyyyy are we watching this?
Whyyyyyyy did they make this?

Main Review:

Bhai can ride bicycles, buses, crash through glass, beats up bad guys, dodges bullets, cries at the drop of a hat, jumps across galaxies...

Sigh. I used to like Salman Khan movies. His sense of style, the shirt-tearing. These days, he's sounding more and more like: 

(thank you @savagechickens for the inspiration)

Yes, Bhai sounds like Chewbacca.

And then his team of writers make the rest, unjheleble.

(Their word, not mine.)

p.s. watch the inventive, delightful Grand Budapest Hotel or surprisingly good Lai Bhari.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes

3 1/2 stars

Caesar Ki Sarkar!

Mini Review:

Man or ape, everyone loves Mario Puzo's Godfather. And that's why the story keeps you hooked and you end up standing in front of the mirror and raising your palm and saying, 'Fa-mi-ly!'

Main Review:

Let's get the confession out of the way: I'm terrified of monkeys. 

I've been to Congo and have seen mountain Gorillas. Their babies are the size of a Maruti 800. They are not cute furry cuddly creatures no matter Jane Goodall says.

That brings us to Caesar, He wears the red tilak that Amitabh Bachchan wears in Sarkar, and broods exactly like Sarkar does. Except his stare gives you the shivers (and that happens so many times, I could get an acting part in any movie about hypothermia). And if one speaking ape is not scary enough, there's an army of them. And the stampede scene with the grizzly will be imprinted upon every nightmare you will ever experience. 

Fear apart, it is the story that will keep you glued to the screen. The ideas of generation conflict, of betrayal and power equations are added so easily into the story that at one point you forget that the bigger war is between man and ape. If you thought hairy faces and bodies cannot emote, just look into the brilliantly liquid eyes and awesome body language. You'd be amazed at how easily a cheery high-five turns into a reluctant gesture of submission...

There are times, though when I would have preferred the 'Govindagovindagovindagovinda' chant from Sarkar to the Chimp grunts (sound like several hundred Amrish Puris, James Earl Jones and Samuel L Jacksons saying 'yes' in marathi together). But that's me. Eternally afraid of these creatures. I would be the first person to die of Simian Flu in the movie, or the guy who is so terrified of the creatures, he shoots...

But when you allow the backrest of the theater seat to actually support you, you will realise that your inner Salim-Javed is nodding approvingly. In fact, you hear the dialog in Hindi in your head. You don't mind the predictability of the story, you don't mind the gender inequality (women are reduced to being 'let me bandage that' healers and baby producing nurturers with headbands). In fact, the predictability of the events makes you wait for how they tackle the outcome. And every single time, I was glad that they rose above that predictabilty. And mostly with a rad dialog. That is pure paisa vasool.

For Godfather fans, there is Michael (I wish they'd called him that instead of Malcolm), there's Fredo and there's the awesome, 'For family' dialog. For Sarkar fans, there's brooding, there's the tilak, the raised hand, there's...

Go experience it for yourself. Yes the 3D is annoying, but the movie is so good, you'll forget the weight of the glasses on your nose and enjoy the detailing on the fur and the skin around the eyes and the very up close and personal look at Caesar's flaring nostrils...